The Nose

It was one of those strange, absurd occurrences that often unfold in the bustling streets of St. Petersburg. Early one morning, a barber named Ivan Yakovlevitch awoke in his modest apartment. His wife was busy preparing breakfast, and the familiar scent of freshly baked bread filled the room. Little did Ivan know that this ordinary day would soon take a bizarre turn.

Ivan sat down at the table to eat his breakfast, cutting into the loaf of bread his wife had just set out. As the knife slid through the crust, something strange happened. He felt resistance, as though there was an object embedded within the bread. Puzzled, Ivan pulled apart the loaf, and to his utter horror, he found something completely unexpected inside: a human nose.

“Good heavens! What is this?” he cried, staring in disbelief at the small, flesh-colored object.

His wife, startled by his outburst, rushed over to see what had caused such a reaction. She, too, was shocked by the sight of the severed nose lying in the bread. “What have you done, you fool?” she exclaimed. “You’ve brought home trouble!”

But Ivan Yakovlevitch had no idea how the nose had ended up in the bread. He had no explanation for it whatsoever. Trembling, he held the nose in his hands and turned it over. To his utter bewilderment, he recognized the nose as belonging to none other than Collegiate Assessor Kovalyov, a local government official who often visited the barber shop for shaves.

“What am I to do with this?” Ivan whispered frantically.

His wife, ever practical, had no patience for his panic. “You must get rid of it immediately! What if the police come? You’ll be blamed for this!”

Without much time to think, Ivan decided to heed his wife’s advice. He quickly dressed, wrapped the nose in a piece of cloth, and dashed out into the streets, determined to rid himself of this grotesque discovery before anyone could see it.

The city was waking up, and the streets were beginning to fill with people going about their daily business. Ivan darted through the narrow alleys, clutching the wrapped nose in his hands, trying to figure out how to dispose of it. He considered throwing it into the river but feared being caught in the act. Every corner he turned seemed to present a new obstacle, and every passerby seemed to glance his way with suspicion.

Finally, after much hesitation, Ivan slipped down to a less populated part of the city and tossed the nose into the water of the Fontanka River, hoping that would be the end of his troubles.

While this bizarre incident was taking place, Collegiate Assessor Kovalyov himself was waking up in his apartment. He stretched, yawned, and reached for the mirror as he often did, preparing to inspect his face and ensure that his mustache was neatly groomed. But to his horror, when he looked at his reflection, something crucial was missing: his nose.

Kovalyov’s hand flew to his face in disbelief. His nose was gone! Completely gone, as though it had never been there in the first place. In its stead was nothing but smooth, flat skin. His heart pounded, and a cold sweat broke out on his forehead.

“How can this be?” he shouted. “How can my nose have disappeared?”

Frenzied, he leaped out of bed and began searching around his apartment as if the nose might have somehow fallen off during the night. He overturned pillows, blankets, and furniture, but there was no trace of it. The thought of venturing out in public without a nose was too horrifying to contemplate.

In a daze, Kovalyov dressed himself and left his apartment, desperate to figure out what had happened. As he wandered the streets, his thoughts raced. Was it an illness? Some sort of punishment for past sins? How could he possibly explain his missing nose to others?

But as he roamed aimlessly, something even stranger caught his eye. Walking ahead of him, dressed in a fine uniform and appearing entirely unremarkable, was his own nose—detached from his face but strolling down the street as if it were an independent person.

Kovalyov blinked, rubbed his eyes, and looked again, convinced he was hallucinating. But no, there it was, clear as day, his very own nose, walking about with purpose. It even stopped in front of the Kazan Cathedral and appeared to kneel as if praying.

“Impossible!” Kovalyov whispered, still in disbelief.

Overcoming his shock, he rushed toward the nose, determined to confront it. But as he drew nearer, the nose seemed to quicken its pace, and before he knew it, it had entered a carriage and was speeding away. Frantic, Kovalyov hailed another carriage and gave chase, but to no avail. The nose had escaped him.

At a loss for what to do, Kovalyov decided to visit the police to report the disappearance of his nose. He imagined that the authorities might be able to help him track down the runaway appendage. When he arrived at the police station, however, he was met with skepticism and mockery.

“Lost your nose, you say?” one officer asked, barely concealing his laughter. “And it’s walking around the city like a man? What nonsense!”

Despite Kovalyov’s frantic pleas, the police seemed to think he was either mad or pulling some sort of elaborate joke. No one took him seriously, and Kovalyov left the station feeling even more despondent than before.

He wandered through the streets once more, now filled with dread and humiliation. He had no idea where to turn or how to recover his nose. He tried visiting doctors, but none of them could offer any solutions. Some suggested strange remedies, while others simply shrugged and advised him to accept his fate.

Feeling utterly lost, Kovalyov decided to visit a newspaper office in the hopes that placing an ad might help him recover his missing nose. He entered the office, explained his situation to the editor, and asked if he could place an announcement in the paper.

The editor listened patiently, though he, too, seemed skeptical of Kovalyov’s bizarre tale. “You wish to place an ad about your missing nose?” he asked.

“Yes, it’s gone missing, and I need help finding it,” Kovalyov replied desperately.

The editor paused, clearly unsure of how to respond. “I’m afraid, sir, that we cannot publish such an advertisement. It’s simply too strange, and our readers might think it’s a joke.”

Crushed, Kovalyov left the office, realizing that even the press couldn’t help him. His situation seemed utterly hopeless. But just as he was about to give up, he received an unexpected visitor.

The very next morning, Kovalyov was sitting despondently in his apartment when the doorbell rang. He opened the door to find a police officer standing there, holding a small parcel in his hands.

“Good day to you,” the officer said. “We’ve recovered something that might belong to you.”

Kovalyov’s heart leaped as the officer handed him the parcel. He tore it open and gasped—inside was his missing nose! Somehow, it had been found and returned to him.

Overcome with relief, Kovalyov thanked the officer profusely and rushed to the mirror, hoping to reattach the nose immediately. But as he pressed it to his face, he discovered that it would not stay in place. No matter how hard he tried, the nose refused to adhere to his skin.

Panicked, Kovalyov called for a doctor, who arrived shortly thereafter. The doctor examined the situation carefully but was at a loss for how to help.

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” the doctor said, shaking his head. “There’s no way to reattach the nose. I’m afraid it’s beyond my ability to fix.”

Distraught, Kovalyov collapsed into a chair, feeling more helpless than ever. Even with the nose in his possession, it seemed he would be forever disfigured.

Days passed, and Kovalyov grew increasingly desperate. He avoided going out in public, fearing the mockery and ridicule that would surely follow if people saw him without a nose. He became reclusive, refusing to meet with friends or acquaintances.

One morning, however, something miraculous happened. Kovalyov awoke to find his nose had returned to its rightful place on his face, as though it had never disappeared. He leaped out of bed and rushed to the mirror, scarcely believing his eyes.

It was true! His nose was back, perfectly attached and as normal as ever. Overcome with joy, he laughed and cried in relief. He couldn’t explain how or why it had returned, but he no longer cared. His ordeal was finally over.

He dressed himself in his finest clothes and ventured out into the city, eager to resume his normal life. People greeted him with the same respect as always, and no one seemed to notice that anything unusual had happened. His nose was back, and his troubles were forgotten.

But as Kovalyov went about his day, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something strange and inexplicable had taken place. The memory of his runaway nose haunted him, even though everything seemed back to normal.

In the end, Kovalyov never discovered the true reason for the disappearance of his nose, nor did he

ever fully understand how it had returned. But he was content to leave the mystery unsolved, grateful that his life had returned to its ordinary course.

And so, life went on in St. Petersburg, where strange and absurd things could happen on even the most ordinary of days.